The Girl's Guide
Issue 83: Mind Your Manners
Welcome back to The Girl’s Guide! If you missed the most recent issue, find it here.
Find me on: Instagram | Twitter | Pinterest
The Setup Survey
Well, the results of The Official Girl’s Guide Setup Survey are finally in! After talking to many friends about this topic, I decided I wanted to get to the bottom of why being set up on a date is a universally loathed experience. Why are so many blind dates nothing but fodder for funny stories to tell at parties?
This survey may not be the most scientific, but I think you’ll find the results interesting. Maybe someday the art of the setup can be perfected thanks to your input!
Here are some of the toplines from the survey. Survey participants skewed female (66% were women, 33% were men). The majority (60%) of survey participants have been set up on a date between two and four times.
I was curious to know who was responsible for setting up all these dates. By far, the most common experience was having a close friend set you up (74% of participants had been set up by a friend), followed by family (26% of participants had been set up by a family member), and work colleagues (22% of participants had been set up by a coworker or boss). Surprisingly, 19% of survey participants said they’d had an acquaintance set them up on a date.
I was also surprised to see that 50% of people said they enjoy going on dates set up by a mutual friend. However, 36% said that they do NOT enjoy these dates.
So what are family/friends/coworkers getting wrong when they set up singles on dates?
48% of those surveyed said their friends get the personality type they’re attracted to wrong.
24% said their friends get the physical type they’re attracted to wrong.
16% said their friends don’t pick someone who aligns with their values.
4% said their friends misunderstand their readiness for a relationship.
Interestingly, survey participants were equally split on whether they’d rather ask a friend to set them up or have a friend offer to set them up on a date unsolicited. Forty-four percent said their preferred scenario is a date with a stranger whom they know basic information about as well as what they look like. Forty-one percent prefer a date with someone whom they have previously met. Only 7% prefer a truly blind date with a stranger.
When asked if they have ever been on a second date following a set-up date, 41% of respondents said no. Thirty-three percent said yes, but the relationship didn’t go anywhere. Eleven percent said yes, and we continued to date for a while. Nearly 15% said yes, and we’re still together (woohoo!).
So are hard setups or soft setups more effective? While 44% of participants said they’d had luck with neither, 26% said soft setups (like being seated next to someone at a group dinner) were more effective than hard setups. Twenty-two percent said they’d had more luck with hard setups. Roughly 7% said they’d had the same amount of luck with both arrangements.
So there you have it – now all the world’s romance problems are solved right? If only. But I think there are some good takeaways here: namely that there’s a lot of variation in what individuals prefer – so if you’re not sure, just ask. If your friend is complaining about his or her love life, come up with a game plan to get them a few dates lined up. If you’re someone who feels like your picker is off and you want a friend to set you up on a date – just ask! They’ll probably be thrilled to play matchmaker.
Don’t worry, I have a lot more long-form responses from the survey to share in my next newsletter. I think you’ll be really interested to hear what participants said the most common mistake their friends make when setting them up on dates.
Interview with Alison Cheperdak
I’m so excited to introduce you readers to Alison Cheperdak, founder of Elevate Etiquette! If you’ve got questions about etiquette, she’s got the answers! Be sure to follow Alison on Instagram, where she posts super informative videos about becoming a better hostess, conversationalist, and more.
What do you love about your neighborhood?
I live on Capitol Hill, and I love its neighborly, charming, and bustling environment. We have many close friends who live right by us, making the whole experience more fun, too. I’ll also never tire of being steps away from the National Mall and some of the most beautiful and important buildings of our government.
What does your life look like right now?
I am the founder and president of Elevate Etiquette. In this role, I help people increase their confidence and reach their potential in their personal and professional lives through teaching etiquette and protocol. Through in-person and virtual trainings, I work with individuals of all ages and backgrounds on topics such as social, dining, and business etiquette, personal branding, and style consulting. I also offer boutique event styling services.
How did you discover the world of etiquette?
I purchased my first etiquette book within a week of accepting my husband’s marriage proposal. I had a series of discrete questions, such as “Do I need to extend a ‘plus one’ invitation for each of my adult cousins?” and “What about same sex couples or those living together who are unmarried? How should their envelopes be addressed?” At first, I thought I was purchasing Amy Vanderbilt’s Complete Book of Etiquette to quickly answer those sorts of pressing engagement season questions. Little did I know, I would fall in love with the topic. Over more than a decade, I’ve since read countless etiquette, protocol, and personal branding related works, have received extensive formal training, and became a certified coach, as well.
What is the purpose of Elevate Etiquette?
My goal is to help people maximize their potential in both their personal and professional lives, to increase their confidence in doing so, and to make the whole process fun and affirming. Learning etiquette is so much more than knowing which utensil to use in a given scenario, and is, more importantly, about treating ourselves and others with kindness, respect, and honesty. My hope is that Elevate Etiquette helps make the world a kinder and more meaningfully connected place.
What’s an underrated etiquette tip you like to share?
There are few courtesies more validating than the experience of having someone’s rapt attention in conversation. Excellent listening is not only important for optimal comprehension, but also for demonstrating respect for the other person. During a discussion, when another person is talking it can be easy to shift our focus to what we are going to say next rather than really focusing on what the other person has to say. There are also many other factors that can get in the way of being a truly terrific listeners — our various technological devices can distract, as can other noises and sights happening around us. The more we can focus on conveying to others in conversation that they have our full attention the better. Part of how we do this is by making eye contact and avoiding habits such as fidgeting or swaying, which can be interpreted as nervousness, boredom, or disinterest.
How would you describe your style?
I would describe my style as feminine, elegant, and mostly classic, but sometimes dramatic. For attire, I gravitate towards blush pink, white, and other bright and soft palettes, but I’m also not afraid of sparkles, sequins, or feathers. I am very much into statement jewelry, bold lips, and smokey eyes for the right occasions, too. For home design, I love a grandmillenial look complete with vintage pieces, beautiful china, mixed textures, and wallpaper galore! In terms of beauty and style icons, I admire the late Grace Kelly, Jacqueline Kennedy, and Babe Paley for their refined and timeless looks.For present day inspiration, I look to Reese Witherspoon and many, many style bloggers.
The Haps
Here are a few links to what I’m reading this week:
Don’t Be Surprised If You Get A LinkedIn Message From Love Is Blind: Wait, y’all still use Linkedn?
Levi's Bashed For Using AI Models To Increase "Diversity" Quota Rather Than Hiring Minorities: Clown world.
Bulletin Board
Join the Arlington Falls Church Young Republicans for their April meeting/Energy, Environment, and Conservation Panel on Monday, April 17, at 7 pm at Nighthawk Brewery & Pizza. Speakers include The Girl’s Guide interviewees Karly Matthews and Gabriella Hoffman. Find more details here.