The Girl's Guide to DC
Issue 68: Always Be Closing (Friendship Edition)
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Ask Evie
Submit your questions to Ask Evie anonymously via this form.
Hi Evie! I’m a recent transplant to the Washington DC metro area, and I absolutely love my new home. Do you have any advice on places to meet new Christian friends my age (I’m in my mid-20s)? I’ve been able to do a bit through my church, work, and grad school, but the people I meet are usually a bit older, or those my age have values that don’t really align with mine. Any tips? - Soul Searching
Dear Soul Searching,
First, I want to commend you for making it a priority to find friends who understand your faith and will support you in it. If you’re plugged into your church, you’re already on track. Young adults are frequently told to “take charge” of their careers, their love lives, their finances – but when it comes to friends, many act like that advice no longer applies. However, in your 20s, your friends are a huge part of who you are – so you have to choose wisely and be deliberate!
I think there are a lot of misconceptions around modern friendship – it doesn’t look like the show Friends, let me tell ya – and your deepest friendships will evolve with you. With that in mind, here are my three pieces of advice to you.
Age and stage don’t matter as much as you may think.
It’s really easy to feel like your current stage of life will last forever. That feeling can make us want to focus solely on finding friends in our exact same stage of life, whether that be single or married with young children. But that’s a pretty short-sighted way to view friendship – you won’t be in this same place forever.
When I actually stop to think about many of the friends Nick and I have made in our new home, none of them are within five years of our age. They may be older, they may be younger, but age is honestly the last thing we care about. We all need friends who are our peers – but having friends who have a few more years of life experience than you is so needed too.
And that brings me to my first main point. Age and stage are totally different. Someone could be your exact age but at a totally different point in life. Or someone could be five years older than you and have a lot in common with where you are. Focus less on age/stage and more on what you share, whether that’s your church, your favorite activity, or your equally dark senses of humor.
Maybe your best friend just had a baby so instead of going to see a movie together, you’re going to bring a meal to her house and hold baby while she eats. It’s really easy to make friendship something me-centered – how does this friendship serve me? – but true friends give freely of themselves. And hey, in a few years you could be asking her to loan you baby books and hand-me-down onesies.
Sometimes you have to DIY your own social life.
Let me tell you a little secret: people love a great hostess, but rarely do they put in the effort to become one. You may run in a social circle that’s intentional about hosting each other – but chances are that most of your work/school/church friends, like many Americans, feel that they’re just too busy. And if you don’t have kids yet but have friends who do, it can even feel like you’re imposing by inviting them over for dinner since it’s so much work to get kids ready and out the door, let alone make sure you’ve babyproofed your apartment!
In a small DC apartment, hosting can feel daunting. But you don’t need to plan a Barefoot Contessa-level dinner party. Invite a few women you’d like to get to know better over for brownies and a chick flick. Don’t overthink it – and there’s something about the intimacy of inviting someone into your home that makes conversation flow more freely.
I interviewed my friend Rebekah Hoshiko last year about what inspired her to start her Capitol Hill book club (read the full interview here). However you choose to start hosting or planning get-togethers, I think you’ll find her answer helpful:
When I first moved to DC, I kept waiting for people to invite me to things. I was dying to be a part of book clubs and other social events, but I also didn't want to just invite myself to an already-established group. Finally, I decided to stop sitting around and figured other people would like to be invited to things too, so I put together a small Facebook group and added some friends I thought might enjoy getting together once a month to talk about books.
It can be intimidating to put yourself out there (what if no one comes??) but I promise you it's worth it! I've found that it's also super helpful to have an established event to invite new friends to. Instead of getting stuck in permanent "let's get coffee sometime" purgatory, tell them you host a monthly book club and they should join! Not only will they meet some new people, but it also gives you a launching pad for conversation with someone you don't know really well.
Always be closing (on new friendships).
Now, I may be wrong, but I think you’re probably already coming into contact with women who could be great friends for you. The difficulty is actually “closing” on a new potential friend. Luckily, it’s not as difficult a process as closing on a new house.
I bet you get invited to a few happy hours a month through school and work – go! If you chat with someone you have a lot in common with, ask for her Instagram and message her the next day about getting coffee (or maybe even some other activity you two talked about). Some people will be flaky, others will be noncommittal, but most will be really flattered that someone wants to be their friend. Within a few months, you may find yourself with several new friends who would have remained in acquaintance purgatory had you not taken that first step.
Interview with Catherine Olohan
This week, I’m excited to introduce you to Catherine Olohan, who’s making the most of life in Navy Yard! Connect with Catherine on Instagram and Twitter.
What do you love about your neighborhood?
I live in Navy Yard — it’s a super young area that always has something going on! I love being close to the water but also having Capitol Hill and the monuments a short walk away as well. We have a little bit of everything down here — TONS of fun workout studios to try, cute coffee shops, great restaurants with even better happy hours, fun bars, and baseball! There’s also three churches within walking distance of my apartment which is huge.
What does your life look like right now?
I am the State March Program Coordinator over at the March for Life. This means I’m traveling around once a month to our different state Marches which is really exciting! We’re also gearing up for the National March in DC in January which is an important one since it’s the first National March post-Roe. Otherwise, I volunteer at my local pregnancy center, just finished training for/running a half marathon, and have been taking tennis lessons!
What's your favorite part of fall in the DMV?
Capitol Hill in the fall is the best. The cute little row homes with all their fall decorations are so heartwarming! Last year, I drove through Capitol Hill right during trick or treating and it was probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Fall in DC is also PERFECT running weather. For day trips, I always love a good hike out in the Shenandoah, particularly Old Rag. Never opposed to a winery/hike combo either!
How would you describe your style?
I like a classic style with a bold edge — a lot of classics/neutrals that I know won’t go out of style, with a few more bold or fun trendy things tossed in. I also recently discovered that, as a 5’3” gal, I should be wearing petite/short clothing, which has been groundbreaking information.
I have been focusing on dressing for my body type and stealing a lot of ideas for that from influencers like Inbar Lavi, Nicole Lopez-Alvar, Milena Ciciotti, and Jessie James Decker but they’re generally all a little edgy for me (and for DC lol). I also really like Kayleigh McEnany’s professional dress — simple, to the point, but feminine and flattering as well.
What's the biggest lesson you've learned over the course of your career?
Definitely the importance of getting up early and having a morning routine/getting in a good sweat before work. I think it’s SO important to start your day off in a disciplined way. Otherwise, the importance of having a learning mindset — whether that means learning from your seniors at work, listening to podcasts on the subject, reading books about it, or staying up to date on any developments.
The Haps
It’s fall, y’all — here are a few links to what I’ve been reading (and writing!) lately:
The 33 Best Fall Movies That Elicit All Those Cozy, Autumnal Vibes: I’m proud to say I’ve already seen many of these movies — but this list also inspired me to watch the classic Sandra Bullock/Keanu Reeves romance The Lake House!
How To Upgrade Your Man’s Style If You Secretly Hate It: This title is so great, you know you have to click.
What We Can Learn From The Fashion Of The 1920s: I delve into a bit of fashion history in my latest piece for Evie Magazine!
Bulletin Board
Congrats to TYLER PERSUN and BRIELLE COLBY on their engagement this past weekend! See Brielle’s pics here — and read my interview with her about her favorite beach reads here.
Congrats to LEXI LONAS on her promotion to education reporter at The Hill! Connect with Lexi on Twitter.
JOB ALERT: The Daily Signal is hiring a digital strategist — learn more here!
Recipe Corner
I’m collecting your favorite quick and healthy meals for an upcoming issue of Girl’s Guide! Submit your favorite recipe (or recipes) by replying to this email.
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