The Girl's Guide to DC
Issue 55: How I Didn't Meet Your Mother
Welcome back to The Girl’s Guide to DC! If you missed last week’s issue, find it here.
I want this newsletter to be about you, the ladies of DC, so send me healthy lunch recipes and baby registry tips by replying to this email.
Your Weird Dating Stories
It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for — DC guys’ weirdest dating stories. Believe it or not, more guys than girls sent in stories! Read the girls’ stories here.
FORE!… “More funny, than weird, but the date and I went to H Street Country Club for drinks and indoor putt putt, and she smacked a ball so hard it broke a window when its launch angle was like a drive at TopGolf. I reminded her the putter is not a driver as we dropped the putters and bounced out of there.”
Cleanliness is next to godliness… “Was after a third or fourth date, we went back to have a drink at my place. She went home that night but while cleaning my apartment that weekend she had hid a bag of clothes and makeup under my sink in case a future date ended up at my place… so it all made sense why her purse was so big that a whole other bag was in the purse. When I asked her about the bag, she yelled at me and said, ‘What guy cleans his bathroom!!’”
My medical romance… “The date never happened, but I went for an annual physical during COVID while working at my folks’ place in Florida. The physicians assistant who did my physical a few days later sent me a Facebook message about going on a date. Felt weird yet charming to be asked out? Suffice it to say, decided not to respond.”
On the next episode of Catfish… “When they used their roommate’s picture(s) and the date lasted the time it took me to finish my beer while I was waiting at the bar. Was super awkward and I think it ended by me saying, ‘1) That’s a pretty big lie to start off a first date 2) Not cool and 3) Good luck.’”
A working dinner… “I work in communications, she was a reporter covering issues I worked on. We got what I thought were source drinks, and during those drinks my phone began going off about something we were going to announce tomorrow that I could not tell her about. As I am dealing with that, she goes, “Are you always on your phone this much on a date?” and that is how I learned it was a date. We went out a couple times again, nothing ever came of it, and now we still work together.”
Sharing germs and sushi rolls… “Way before COVID, but she showed up to Sushi Taro, running a fever, because she liked sushi so much. Sniffles and chills/feverish looks make a nice sushi dinner date, strange… I think I got sick a few days later.”
Gonna need more details… “She (incorrectly) thought she was good with directions, and we would have trespassed into restricted Coast Guard territory if they hadn’t yelled at us with a megaphone.”
Interview with Jordan Orris
Every week, I introduce you to a different woman who knows the ins and outs of DC so you can steal her
identity tips! This week, I want you to meet Jordan Orris, a Nevada native who now calls the DMV home. Connect with Jordan on Instagram and Twitter.
What do you love about where you live?
I live out in Ashburn, Virginia, where I built a townhouse a few minutes from my office. However, I’m constantly in DC for work, play, or church. (Passion City DC is worth the drive!) I love my new community in Loudoun County, though, and have thoroughly enjoyed suburbia. Loudoun highlights include the small towns of Leesburg, Middleburg, and Purcellville; lots of data centers that make property tax cheaper; and Dulles Airport — which I find severely underrated!
What does your life look like right now?
I work in political direct mail fundraising as an account manager. It’s been a privilege to work with big name Senate and House races, respected think tanks, and with some incredible non-profits in the conservative movement.
Outside of work, I’ve become obsessed with Solidcore classes, I’m the President of the American Conservation Coalition’s DMV branch, I’m a Door Holder (volunteer) at Passion City DC, and last but not least, I’m “friends with” Princess Belle with DC Princesses Against Cancer.
Do you have a favorite restaurant in the DMV?
I absolutely LOVE Agora! I frequent the Tyson’s location, which has an adorable aesthetic. Such great Mediterranean food! If you’ve been to the DC location, their Tyson’s one is conveniently located near Tyson’s Galleria and Tyson’s Corner Center malls… which I end up at every other weekend or so. Oops!
What's your advice for women who want to plug in and make friends in the area?
I’ve learned you have to be the one to reach out and intentionally build friendships! You literally have to say “I want to be your friend! Let’s hang out more”… and actually follow up on it.
What's something you wish you had known when you first moved to DC?
Honestly, I moved straight to the suburbs after grad school and in the midst of covid, which kind of made for a double whammy being far and locked down at that. However as things got started back up again, I wanted to do so many things all at once just for the excitement of doing things again. This is probably a similar sentiment to new interns or recent grads too — so my advice is to say yes to lots of things, but not ALL the things! Practice intentionality.
What’s your go-to beauty hack?
As a retired teen pageant queen (lol), I will sing the praises of hot rollers forever and ever!! This is the best set I’ve ever found from Target.
Start with a small section at crown of your head, tuck the hair and roll under like sushi… once you have your first clip, make a faux hawk and then do the sides, also rolling under until your whole head is finished. While those are setting, do your makeup! Unclip and take out through downward spirals.
My Money Don’t Jiggle or Fold
You know that rap that starts “My money don’t jiggle jiggle, it folds” that’s all over Instagram and TikTok right now? Well, it turns out that the man behind it would definitely NOT consider himself a rapper. Learn more about why British documentarian Louis Theroux’s kids are annoyed that they can’t go online without hearing his voice by reading this New York Times profile.
Seize the Means of Reproduction
There’s a lot of chatter about what can be done to improve dating apps… Well, I must say I was amused by this editorial advocating for a very different solution: nationalizing the dating apps. Tinder, but for the people. The jokes write themselves. Read the Jacobin article by clicking here.
TAYLOR HATHORN celebrates her birthday today! Consider donating to Reece’s Rugby Scholarship in honor of her brother to help make her day special.
Congrats to ALEX NESTER, who joins Parents Defending Education as Political Director! She was previously a reporter at the Washington Free Beacon. Congratulate Alex on Twitter.
HOUSING AVAILABLE: Harvest Prude, Erin Kondak, and Erin’s Bernadoodle Bean (the world’s sweetest puppy) are looking for one or two girls to join their townhouse in Alexandria in September. Super safe and quiet neighborhood. Rent is competitive. Email email@example.com for more info. (Fun fact: I interviewed Harvest in the first issue of Girl’s Guide — read it here!).