Issue 117: I'm Just a 26-Year-Old Teenage Girl
Featuring Rebekah Murray
Welcome back to The Girl’s Guide! If you missed the most recent issue, find it here.
This is the last issue before I take a break to welcome our first son in August (well, assuming he isn’t an early bird who arrives in these last few days of July!). I hope to return to writing The Girl’s Guide in the fall. In the meantime, please send all your tips on raising boys my way — funny stories, book recommendations, whatever you got. You can get in touch by replying to this email.
Find me on Instagram and Twitter so you don’t miss any of my work.
I’m Just a 26-Year-Old Teenage Girl
A while back, there was a joke going around online of women declaring “I’m just a 26-year-old teenage girl,” or whatever their real age was. Now, I’m not even going to attempt to get into the psychology behind this trend. But as a 26-year-old who is about to be a mom of two, it did strike me as funny because it’s so relatable. I’m about to be in charge of not one but two little lives, but I also feel like my teenage years were just yesterday.
I can vividly remember the big feelings and big questions that teenaged me had – and I wish I could tell her what I know now. Of course, I’m only here today because of what she experienced. But if I absolutely HAD to tell teenaged me three things, here’s what they would be.
Learn To Be Comfortable Without Makeup
Every woman has her own unique set of insecurities — thanks, unrealistic beauty standards! — and for me, it’s always been my skin. I couldn’t go somewhere and enjoy myself, or even be as positive and outgoing toward others as I wanted to be, unless I was happy with my makeup. Teenage me didn’t even have that much acne – I was just so self-conscious about everything and hyperfocused on my imperfections. It’s taken me until this year, but I’ve finally learned I don’t need a full face of makeup to leave my house. I had to teach myself that neither the cashier at the grocery store nor the friend I run into at the thrift shop gives one rip about whether I’m wearing concealer or not. It just felt silly to set an example for my daughter of being embarrassed about having some spots on my face. As a mom, I sometimes have to choose between getting out the door on time and putting on makeup, and that’s okay (plus, no makeup gives my skin a chance to breathe, which is always good). If I can only act confident under my ideal circumstances, then that’s not real confidence.
When in Doubt, Just Say Your Name
Introducing yourself to someone is called “breaking the ice” for a reason. Sometimes, it can feel really hard. I’m in the stage of life where I’m always looking for new mom friends, and it’s not always easy to approach someone – even if you’re both at the same library story hour. But in my experience, you can’t go wrong by just smiling at someone and saying, “Hi, I’m so-and-so.” What are they gonna do? Not tell you their name back? It’s really easy to overthink social interactions, but keeping things simple will always serve you well. Just do your best to remember your new buddy’s name when you hear it – but even if you don’t, ask them to remind you of their name, and figure out when you two can get together again.
Not Everything Needs a “Healthy Swap” – But There Are Exceptions
I don’t have to remind my fellow millennials and zillennials how toxic diet culture was when we were younger. Teen girls were targeted with advice on food swaps like “Don’t want to use calories on ranch dressing? Just dip your celery in skim milk!” Okay, it wasn’t quite that bad, but it was close. Now I know that if you want full-fat yogurt, eat full-fat yogurt. If you want a dessert with sugar, eat a dessert with sugar. But there’s one food I’ve decided is worth ditching for a “healthy swap.” I love love love peanut butter – but it doesn’t love me back. It’s just too inflammatory for me, especially when it comes to my sensitive skin. At first, giving up peanut butter over the last year was really hard (I drank A LOT of peanut butter smoothies, okay?), but I’ve finally come to appreciate the subtle flavor of almond butter in its stead. It actually took me a while to adjust. But almond butter is nutritionally better in almost every way, and while it’s a bit more expensive, I’ve found the swap worth it. I normally buy Maranatha almond butter, which features just one ingredient – almonds. I eat it on toast with bananas, in smoothies, and in this yummy dark chocolate date bark recipe which I can’t get enough of.
Maybe you and peanut butter get along fine, but there’s another food you’re not so sure about. If you feel like the cons outweigh the pros for a certain food, try giving it up for a month, and you may not even miss it by the end.
Interview with Rebekah Murray
Today’s interview is with Rebekah Murray of Dare Gift Boxes — which you must check out if you love giving thoughtful gifts that loved ones or clients will remember for years! Find Rebekah on Instagram here and Dare Gift Boxes on Instagram here.
What does your life look like right now?
I co-own a gift box company with one of my best friends, so I send presents for a living. It's so fun. My main friend group and community are at my church, and I love being involved there. I love adventures (heading to Norway and Sweden this summer!), exploring new bakeries or hikes closer to home, hosting dinners, biking, snowboarding, volleyball, and crafting. I love to meet people and co-host a women's networking group called the Afternoon Tea Club. And I’ve got a cute nephew!
What's the biggest lesson you've learned running your small business?
I heard a quote recently that I loved: Life's a long time. Energy and passion are essential, but there’s a tendency to assume that just the right tweak will make all of the difference. Consistency and faithfulness in all the right things are only seen when done over time. Overnight successes are built very slowly.
My favorite resources are a stack of books. If someone wants my list, they should message me on Instagram!
What exciting things are in the works right now for Dare Gift Boxes?
We just photographed our corporate holiday collection, so we're getting a good head start on that! I LOVE this season. We have a growing team, and it’s going to make what and how we work that much better for our customers! We love making people feel connected to each other.
What does your ideal weekend in northern Virginia look like?
Morning at a farmer’s market, Cowbell Kitchen for a treat, finishing with a potluck at my house or a sunset walk to Bear’s Den. I also did a bakery crawl in DC with a friend recently, and that was a whimsical way to enjoy a day.
What's your advice to a young woman who wants to expand her social circle and activities?
My dad always used to say "Be a blessing!" to us before we left the house, and I really love that. I find that making friends and navigating social situations becomes much easier when you focus on making other people feel good about themselves. I've always struggled with shyness and feeling awkward after saying something dumb (like all of us, right?). People often talk about how hard it is to make friends as adults, but I think it's because we forget to be friendly first and ask good questions while we wait for others to be friendly to us. So, I guess, if you're others-focused, you'll be far more likely to build genuine connections. A win-win!
The Haps
What’s Wrong With America’s Relationship With Birth?
In a recent deep dive for the Institute for Family Studies,
lays out some of the issues with the reigning “technocratic model” of birth in the U.S., and what can be done to make giving birth a more human process for moms and babies alike. Read her full piece: A Hospital Birth Doesn't Have to be Dehumanizing.
Here are some other links to what I’ve been reading and listening to lately:
Fashion meets politics on the RNC's red carpet (NPR): Who knew the RNC was actually a runway?
Let's talk feminine energy, dating & relationships with Margarita Nazarenko (Within You Podcast): You may have seen Nazarenko’s TikTok videos about having “black cat energy” to attract a mate — but there’s a lot more to her advice.
'The Dealership,' a parody of 'The Office,' rockets Chevy dealer to social media stardom (USA Today): The democratization of art done right.
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Okay, time for me to stop being lazy and make a batch of almond butter instead of relying on Costco pb.........