The Girl's Guide
Issue 80: The Firstborn Daughters Club
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The Firstborn Daughters Club
I only have one DC party trick, and this is it: I confidently declare that everyone in the room is a firstborn, since they did move to the city to change the world, after all. Then I ask all the firstborns to raise their hands. Every single person raises their hand, every time. In case you’re ever wondering why DC seems to be a city populated completely by Type As, this is why.
There are firstborns, and then there are firstborn daughters. We’ve all heard the jokes about eldest daughters being bossy, controlling know-it-alls. I particularly love this spoof of an eldest daughter in a job interview explaining that she’s perfect for the role because she’s physically incapable of making mistakes.
Ironically, becoming a mom has really helped me with letting go of perfection – something that eldest daughters like myself hate to do, even if it gets in the way of enjoying the moment. So in no particular order, here are some tips for my fellow firstborns… tips that I’m still working on myself. And who knows, maybe these tips will come in handy for my daughter Margot one day!
Accept Help Graciously
No woman is an island, to put a spin on that famous line. There will be times in your life when you feel like you can take on the world solo, and there will be times when all you need is someone to be there for you.
Modern society greatly underestimates how much we need other people to face our own challenges big and small. We can’t bring ourselves homemade chicken noodle soup when we’re sick. We can’t be our own shoulder to cry on after a breakup. We certainly can’t point out our own blind spots.
Being a first-time mom is like a masterclass in learning to accept help. If you’re lucky, you’ll be surrounded by people who bring you dinner, tell you what they wish they’d known as new parents, or just help you figure out how to put on that trendy baby carrier that wraps around your body like seven times. At first, I felt guilty accepting so much kindness. How could I ever pay it back? Not to mention that I was embarrassed whenever Margot was fussy in front of visitors. I no longer had complete control over my life.
Long story short, I now realize that I don’t need to repay all the friends and family who showered me with love after Margot was born. What I can do is pay it forward. I still feel like a brand-new mom, but there are moms I know who are newer than me – it has felt really good to bring them a meal or send them a gift when they need it most.
So, fellow firstborn daughters, what should you do if you find yourself on the receiving end of a favor? Learn to accept help graciously. Say thank you and mean it. Write a thank you card. And when you’re ready, keep an eye out for someone who needs your help.
Let Go of “The Right Way”
For eldest daughters, sometimes the hardest part of accepting help is knowing that it won’t be done “the right way” – a.k.a., our way. In the time it takes us to explain how to do something our way, that something could be done. And for the helper, there’s no more deflating feeling than being told that you did everything all wrong.
I remember as a college student being invited to a local family’s house for a meal. There was a large group of students and afterwards, the girls cleared the dishes and loaded the dishwasher. Well, the hostess found our dish loading atrocious, let us know, and shooed us out of the kitchen. It honestly ruined the afternoon. And let me just say, I load dishes the way my mama taught me!
I have no idea why that mundane experience left such a mark on me, but ever since, I have made it a point to withhold criticism when someone does something to try to help me. Use common sense to know when you really need to speak up, but otherwise, it won’t kill you to quietly rearrange the forks in the dishwasher if you feel you absolutely have to.
Be Silly!
The ability to be silly is the most underrated skill that every parent needs. Sometimes you have to make crazy faces at your baby to keep her from crying in line at Costco. You can’t be worried about what other people think of you – all that matters is making your child laugh.
But even if you’re not a parent, you still need silliness – especially us firstborns, with our to-do lists and tight calendars. Learn to take a timeout from the rat race and enjoy doing nothing but sitting on the couch with a friend. Laugh at an inconvenience instead of giving in to frustration. Send a funny video to the friend you’ve been meaning to reach out to.
Don’t forget about your inner child, writes Kaki Okumura in her article “The Very Serious Benefits of Being Silly.”
“[R]ecent studies led by René Proyer, a psychologist at the University of Zurich, found that playful people — those who are spontaneous, creative, outgoing, fun-loving, and lighthearted — appear to be better at coping with stress and finding novel solutions to problems. The best thing is, you don’t need any special skills or preparation to be playful. All you need to do is play,” Okumura writes.
So there you have it – three things I wish I had learned sooner as an eldest daughter. Every once in a while, we have to stop planning for the future and just live in the moment.
Interview with Natalie Peters
Have you ever wondered if you’re a spring, summer, autumn, winter, or something in between? Then you will love this interview with Natalie Peters of District Color Studio. Be sure to follow District Color Studio on Instagram and Facebook.
What do you love about your neighborhood?
My husband and I have lived in the West End for nine years. This neighborhood is such a gem. Everything is within walking distance and we love being so close to Georgetown and downtown. We can walk to work and our church, which is such a dream. The area is always bustling during the week, but on weekends it becomes a quiet neighborhood with mostly locals out and about and we love that dynamic.
What does your life look like right now?
Life is very full! Last year I opened my own business, District Color Studio, and it has been such an exciting challenge. The typical day includes client appointments, scheduling, follow-ups and content creation alongside business development. My husband is also an entrepreneur and I lend a hand at his business when needed.
Nine years ago, shortly after our wedding, my husband sustained a spinal cord injury and became paralyzed. So I am his also his caregiver and happily see to the errands and household chores. For the last year we have been collaborating on a full renovation of our first house, which has been an adventure. There is a lot going on, but it's all really exciting and creatively stimulating! We feel so blessed to be building this life together and doing work that we are passionate about.
How did you get into color analysis? What do you enjoy most about it?
I was drawn to this field through my firsthand experience of color analysis. I have always been captivated by color, fine art and the beauty of the natural world. But color analysis gave me so much clarity about my coloring and solved the mystery why certain hues were flattering while others were not, it was truly life-changing. It helped me understand and embrace my own God-given color harmony. I always feel more confident when I wear my best colors. It has also streamlined the process of shopping and getting dressed each day. My favorite thing about my work is getting to share this powerful experience with my clients. Many women are struggling to realize their self-worth and natural beauty; when they look in their mirror and see themselves in their best colors for the first time, it is truly the most exciting and beautiful moment!
Do you have a favorite place to shop for clothes in the DMV?
I love wandering through Georgetown. I probably do more window shopping than buying (lol!), but I love the variety of shops. I always bring along my swatch book that contains all of my best colors and neutrals (all of my clients receive one of these), so it’s fun to be on the lookout for items at various stores that are in my best colors.
What's your beauty routine like?
Most days I like to do a quick 5-minute makeup routine that is fresh and natural, unless I am attending an event. Knowing your best colors really helps streamline the makeup options. I’m really passionate about taking the time for clean, non-toxic skincare and I usually add in something extra like gua sha, ice rolling or red light therapy. I absolutely love getting a facial at Silver Mirror Facial Bar in Dupont Circle, it's such a treat.
What are you most excited to wear this spring?
I am so excited for spring! I’m looking forward to trench coats, ballet flats, neck scarves and flowy skirts and trousers.
The Haps
Don’t Mess with This Grandma
A woman from Southeast DC identified only as “Grandma” bested a wannabe carjacker on Friday. This story is definitely a bright spot amid reports of rising crime in DC. Grandma, who was on her way to chemotherapy treatment, resisted the teen carjacker until neighbors came to her assistance. Read the full story from 7News here.
The Ultimate DC Cheat Sheet
In case you live under a rock and haven’t seen Politico’s guide to surviving the swamp, “Never Say ‘Nice to Meet You’ and 27 Other Rules for Surviving in D.C.,” allow me to provide you the link. I wholeheartedly endorse this tongue-in-cheek list — send it to any college seniors you know who are considering moving to DC so that they know what they’re in for.
Here are more links to what I’m reading, writing, and listening to this week:
Who Is Nell Diamond, Hill House Home’s Girly Girl Founder? (Evie Magazine): I love browsing Hill House’s website, so naturally I wrote about its founder.
George Santos: ‘I’ve kept 100 percent of my campaign promises’ (The Spectator): In case you were wondering who Congressman Santos’ favorite actor is.
Why Modern Relationships Fail with Adam Lane Smith (Girlboss, Interrupted): No one knows more about attachment styles than a girl who just got ghosted by an f-boy. No one, that is, besides attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith.
Female Leaders, Experts Warn That the Democrat-Led Equal Rights Amendment Will Harm Women (The Daily Signal): It’s like Dems watched Mrs. America and said, let’s try that again.
My current hyperfixation song: “Andromeda” by Weyes Blood.
Ask Evie
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