The Girl's Guide to DC
Issue 37: Who Are His Friends?
Welcome back! If you missed last week’s issue, find it here.
This week’s newsletter includes an Ask Evie about dating, an interview with Amanda Elliott, and much more. As always, don’t forget to subscribe with the button below!
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Ask Evie
Advice on how you weed out the commitment-phobic guys in DC early on? Without scaring the good ones off? - Discouraged in the District
Dear Discouraged in the District,
This is a great question. In dating, women often worry more about scaring men away (in other words, how they’ll be perceived) than evaluating whether the other person is actually a good match. Now, I’m not advocating for a take-me-or-leave-me attitude on the first date – but you need to remember that you’re in control of whether there’s a second date just as much as the guy is. You can be winsome while also keeping an eye out for red flags.
The male-to-female ratio in DC can be a little discouraging. While the national ratio of men to women is 97 to 100, in DC it’s 90 to 100. That disparity becomes even greater when you break it down by age – the male-to-female ratio is 84 to 100 among Washingtonians ages 25 to 29. How rude.
But this doesn’t mean you should give up on DC dating out of fear that guys won’t commit because they (theoretically) have more options. There are a lot of tips I could give you for separating the men from the boys, but today I’ll narrow it down to just one. This is one of the most telling questions you can ask on a first date: “Who are your best friends?”
When we first started dating, one of the most intriguing things to me about my husband Nick was his wide-ranging friendships. He had other single guy friends he liked to hang out with, but he also had friends a few years ahead of him in life that he looked to for guidance. Some of his favorite people were (and still are) men who are strong Christians, faithful husbands, and good fathers. He was able to recognize those qualities and wanted to cultivate them in himself. He wanted friends who encouraged him to grow, even if it was hard. He loves to talk about how thankful he is for the men who made a difference in his life.
So when you ask your date to tell you about his friends, listen closely to his answer. As girls, we’re always told to be wary of peer pressure, but guys are just as susceptible. If your date is surrounded by men who think their 20s are solely for drinking and hooking up, he might fall into that trap too. If your date has married friends or even planning-to-get-married friends that he truly respects (instead of razzing them for forgetting that “Saturdays are for the boys”), he may be a keeper.
So, are your date’s deepest friendships with drinking buddies who aren’t likely to hold him accountable for how he treats you? Or is he someone with friends who can offer him examples of healthy relationships?
Even if your date doesn’t spell out whether he’s looking for a lasting relationship, you’ll be able to tell if he’s worth your time from who he’s friends with. If you meet his friends a few dates in and think they’re bad news, trust your gut and don’t make excuses for him. Don’t end or continue a relationship based on a guy’s friends, but do use what you learn to make an informed decision.
Submit your question to Ask Evie anonymously via this form.
Interview with Amanda Elliott
Meet Amanda Elliott, a woman who wears a lot of hats — including co-author of bi-weekly newsletter The Slip, a newsletter that examines what it means to be a conservative woman today. Learn more here and be sure to subscribe (you can expect an interview with yours truly on Friday)!
Connect with Amanda on Twitter and follow The Slip on Instagram.
What do you love about your neighborhood?
I live in south Arlington, near Pentagon City. My husband and I moved from DC to Arlington five years ago and have never looked back! Our neighborhood is great, and is really walkable to restaurants, coffee shops, and grocery stores. We’re also right down the street from the best diner of all time — Bob & Edith’s.
What does your life look like right now?
Right now, my life is all about juggling work and motherhood. I’m very blessed to have a great job and career that I love, but I’d be lying if I said balancing both is easy. What I’ve found in the last year and a half is that I do really well with routine — at least in this phase of my life. Every weekday my alarm goes off at 5:45 AM. I’m on the Peloton by 6; showered and enjoying my first cup of coffee by 7. My toddler is up anytime between 7 and 7:30 and the rest of the morning is spent getting us both ready for the day. I’m off to work by 8:30; home by 5:30. Then it’s dinner, bedtime routine for the kiddo, and then I’m usually picking up around the house and doing fun activities like folding laundry. It’s not glamorous, but it’s real life! On the weekends when I’m not chasing after my toddler, I’m usually working on the podcast, writing The Slip, testing new recipes (I LOVE to cook), or browsing HomeGoods.
What's your favorite coffee shop or restaurant in DC?
I am the un-snobbiest coffee drinker. Seriously. If it derives from a coffee bean, I will drink it. That said, I spend WAY too much money at Compass Coffee. I’m obsessed with their chai lattes. For restaurants, Iron Gate is my go-to for special occasions. Otherwise, my husband and I order from Pupatella Pizza like two to three times a month! It’s SO good.
What’s your beauty routine like?
A friend recently turned me onto Seint makeup, and I’m really liking it so far because of how simple and easy it is. I also love anything by Ilia and the Saie super gel lightweight highlighter. I tend to splurge the most on skincare, though. I get facials once a month and use Sunday Riley products. I also gave a huge shoutout to Oak Essentials Moisture Rich Balm in the last edition of The Slip. I freaking love that stuff!
What something you wish you had known before moving to DC?
You’re going to need a thicker skin.
What have you learned while writing The Slip and what's your advice to aspiring writers?
Nuance is so underrated these days. Some issues are black and white, but many aren’t. My co-founder Sarah Curran and I started The Slip and our podcast Not Your Average Feminist because we wanted a space where women could come together and promote feminism AND have different political viewpoints. We were tired of hearing,“If you don’t support X, you can’t be a feminist.”
My advice would be to just start writing! It doesn’t matter if five people are reading your work or 500. One of my favorite books is Atomic Habits by James Clear. He writes about how if you want to change your habits, it’s important to start with an identity change. You don’t WANT to be a writer; you ARE a writer, and a writer writes — no matter what! Just start there.
The Haps
Dolly Parton for Education Secretary
In case you needed another reason to love country singer Dolly Parton, Dollywood Parks & Resorts (which she jointly owns) will be covering 100% of tuition and book costs for all employees who decide to pursue higher education. The company has roughly 11,000 employees who could take advantage of the offer. Read the whole story from The New York Post by clicking here.
Truth Stranger Than Fiction
I’ve been riveted by accounts of the so-called Book Thief impersonating international literary agents and gaining access to important manuscripts long before they’re published. Authors and agents alike were afraid the thief would never be caught, and they were also perplexed by the thief’s apparent lack of motive — no manuscripts were sold or used for extortion. The thief seemingly just wanted advance access. Now the alleged impersonator, Italian national Filippo Bernardini, has been caught and is awaiting trial in New York. Read the full story from Vulture here.
Here are some Valentine’s Day-related stories I enjoyed this week:
The Most Successful Dating Apps For Finding Actual Love: In keeping with the dating theme from this week’s Ask Evie, this article gives you the skinny on all the dating apps you can choose from.
These Personal Dating Ads From 1800s Newspapers Are Hilarious And Sweet: If you want a chuckle, read this article. Guys, I’m not even kidding, should I start running ads like these in The Girl’s Guide to DC?
Congrats & More
ELLE REYNOLDS celebrates her birthday on Feb. 10! Wish her a happy birthday on Twitter.
KATE ZICKEL celebrates her birthday on Feb. 11! Wish her a happy birthday on Twitter.
ELLEN DUNLAVEY celebrates her birthday on Feb. 12! Read my interview with her here.
Join MARY ELLEN O’LEARY at the brand-new Wasinger and Co office in Fairfax Station for a First Time Homebuyers Social at 6:30 pm on March 9! Enjoy champagne and charcuterie while getting advice from Mary Ellen and her broker Meghan Wasinger who has been in the business for over 25 years. Whether you're ready to buy or thinking about buying in the next few years, this social is for you. You are never too young to think about investing in real estate.
Send your announcements to girlygirlsguidetodc@gmail.com!